Date 28: Deal Breakers

Prior to marriage, many of us have certain criteria that help us select a suitable spouse. Sometimes this criteria comes in the form of what I call a “deal breaker”. For some people this deal breaker may be as important as ruling out someone who doesn’t share their desire to have children or as superficial as eliminating a guy who isn’t tall enough. In other words, if your date doesn’t meet your criteria and falls into the “deal breaker” category you can decide early on to end it.

Let me take you back to a conversation we had on our first date.
ME: Do you like dogs?
OSI: They are ok.
ME: I love dogs. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want me to own a dog.
OSI: Ok.
ME: So seriously, if you don’t like dogs we should end this now.

I can’t remember exactly what Osi said but he was made aware of this stipulation and seemed supportive of me having dogs. A few years later when I decided I needed a dog, the topic stirred up conflict between us. Whether it was right or not, I was quick to remind Osi of our conversation on date 1. After another year of researching breeds (this was our way of compromising), we bought our first dog, a yellow lab named Selah. Two years later, Osi bought me a second yellow lab, Abigail.

I bring this up because our date tonight involved our dogs. We decided to take a stroll around the Old Northside and the Mass Ave District. The Old Northside is a beautiful area with historic homes and gardens as well as a Victorian walking park which has turned into an unofficial dog park. There is also a gorgeous old Centrum that has been completely renovated. The Mass Ave district, about one mile away, is filled with bakeries, restaurants and pubs, cool boutique shops, live theatres, and the Three Dog Bakery where dogs are welcome to come inside.

We walked the neighborhood, picked up some bones at the Three Dog Bakery, grabbed a couple of iced mochas and did some people watching. Osi felt it was important to mention that we learned something during people watching: never take drugs directly after watching Mortal Kombat. We didn't learn this thru personal experience but had an interesting discussion with someone who appeared to have engaged in such behavior. Trust me, it's a bad idea. It made for a splendid date night. This is my kind of date! Check out the links if you are interested in visiting either area. Osi rated this date an 8.

About Mass Ave: http://www.discovermassave.com/home.cfm
Indy Fringe Festival-super cool performances in Mass Ave: http://www.indyfringe.org/fringefest
Old Northside on Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Northside_Historic_District

Date 27: Anola Okonkwell

Our road trips have been great this summer but this week we had no desire to leave our house. I had zero energy and as for Osi, he was laying on the couch in his underwear half asleep by 7:00 pm. There were two options in our refrigerator for dinner: ox tail or goat- both of which I generally use a crock pot to cook but loaned it out a few weeks ago. We ordered pizza. Despite the fact that I spelled out my name over the phone to the pizza place, the delivery boy showed up requesting a credit card signature with a receipt made out to Anola Okonkwell.

You can imagine that with a name like Enola Okonkwo or Osinanna Okonkwo people tend to screw up our names. It’s almost a joke. We were at Walmart once when we heard over the intercom, “Ozzy Okinawa, your oil change is finished.” Then there was the pronunciation of Osi’s name at his college graduation. That one kind of hurt in the pit of my stomach. After that, I made sure to personally speak with the announcer at my graduation so that the same mistake would not occur. Last semester I received an email from a professor addressed to, “Ebola.” The professor blamed it on autocorrect but it was nothing I hadn’t seen or heard before. In fact, I am accustomed to seeing disappointment on people’s faces when they are expecting a cute Asian chick to show up and instead they are stuck with the much less exotic me. Welcome to another day in the life of the Okonkwos. Or should I say Okinakwas?

By the way, notice the deviation in the date night plan (July 8th). Osi rated this date a 7.5.

Date 26: Road Trip to DC

3:00 am, Monster energy drink in hand, we get in the car and head to DC. We went to DC to attend the wedding of our friend, Talha. Every good thing that could be said about a friend could be said about Talha. His wedding was done according to Muslim/Pakistani tradition and we took part in three days of celebration.

Day 1: The Mendi included dinner and dance performances. Friends of the bride and groom performed choreographed dances and served as the entertainment for the night. The bride wore a yellow gown and intricate henna paint covered her hands.

Day 2: The décor looked like a Pakistani palace. The official wedding documents were signed, an imam spoke about marriage in Urdu (a native Pakistani language), and we enjoyed another delicious ethnic dinner. The bride and groom each wore a traditional RED garment. A red turban sat upon the groom’s head and the bride wore a stunning red gown.

Day 3: The final celebration dinner/reception was held. The couple attended as husband and wife. Once again we ate Pakistani cuisine and enjoyed after dinner tea.

We found time in between the wedding festivities to venture out into DC. DC has plenty of free or cheap activities to enjoy. We ate at a farmer’s market sponsored by the US Department of Agriculture, visited museums such as the African Museum of Art, the Air and Space Museum, and the pathetic Science museum (needless to say the science museum was a huge let down). We also stopped by the White House, Lincoln Memorial, and the Washington Monument. We finished up our trip with dinner in Chinatown. Osi rated this date a perfect 10.

Date 25: It’s the simple things that make him happy.

It’s the simple things like a clean house, a good ninja movie (or a bad one- quality seems irrelevant), me taking the time to put on jewelry, and funny youtube baby videos that make Osi happy (I could continue the list but I’ll save that for another day).

I wanted this date to be centered on things that make Osi happy:
1) Hair down-check,
2) shaved legs-check,
3) tea lattes and superheroes- You betcha!!!

Yes, it is true, my husband loves tea lattes. I think he would agree that every perfect day includes a hot, creamy tea latte (not warm or watery, in which case he will request a redo). In the past he has suggested that we meet friends for tea. I have found this strange yet equally adorable. I will associate tea with Osi for the rest of my life in the same way I can’t eat tomato soup without thinking of my mother, I eat peanut butter and syrup because that’s what my dad did, and nacho cheese makes me think of my ex-in-laws. We went to Teapots and Treasures downtown-you must visit if you like tea. We sampled several different teas and bought a delicious new mint chocolate chai tea for home.


Afterwards we went to watch the Green Lantern. If you’ve been reading my blog you may have noticed that Osi wore a green lantern t-shirt two date nights in a row (that boy loves his superheroes). I also want to point out that this is the second week we are color coordinated on date night. For weeks Osi has wanted to watch the Green Lantern. I had little desire to see it but I enjoy wearing matching outfits so I made the most of it.
To finish up the evening we stopped at another favorite spot: The Southbend Chocolate Factory where we shared a piece of pie. There’s something romantic about sharing dessert. The evening came to an end and I didn’t have a complaint in the world. I was happy because he was happy. My last thoughts: “We should have Osi nights more often.” Osi rated this date a 8.5 because the movie was a little disappointing.

Date 24: The Warrior Within

Alternative titles I considered for this date included:
“Don’t wipe your mud boogers in my car”
“Pea-sized pebble found in ear”
“The Unicorn Man”
“Don’t lick your lips”

This week we participated in the annual Okonkwo/Martin race day. This year’s race: The Warrior Dash in Joliet, IL. This date combined many of my favorite things: tradition, running, obstacles, friendly competition, costumes, trash talking, just enough fear to create an adrenaline rush, and a road trip with a hotel stay. The obstacles in this race were fairly dangerous and I don’t recommend this course if you are out of shape. The online pictures of the Warrior Dash don’t do justice to the actual skill involved in the race. For example, an online picture shows runners hurdling over a fire pit. In the photo the fire looks pathetic. Apparently a pyromaniac was on staff for our race this year; the fire pit I experienced was at least as high as my knees and I don’t have much of a vertical jump!

As we were finishing the race someone in the crowd started cheering for the Green Lantern (Osi was wearing a green latern shirt). Osi must have felt extra good because he did some kind of full submersion Olympian dive into the mud pit finish line. The next day he was still pulling out mud pebbles from his ear.

After the race we went to our favorite hotel, the Schaumburg Hyatt, and witnessed what appeared like a UFO convention in the parking lot. Later we found out an Anime convention was taking place and we had arrived on the night of their Masquerade ball. The elevator ride up to our room was filled to capacity. I was squished somewhere between a grown man dressed as a unicorn, a woman in a medieval gown, and a wizard. A few doors down from our room a sign read, “Wine with Elves”. My thoughts: “Quite honestly it sounds kind of fun but these people are certainly eccentric.” I am sure some would label them freaks. I caution doing so. Truth is many of us are freaks about something and whether its adventure racing, nascar racing, anime, or roller derby, I hope you get the chance to enjoy it with the one you love! Osi rated this date a 9.5.

Date 23: Oh Canada!

We headed to Canada armed with road trip essentials: beef jerky, energy drinks, chocolate, and GPS. I believe giant sun hats should be included on the essentials list but Osi reminded me that we were driving thru the night and I wouldn’t need a sunhat. Good point – no sunhat. Our long road trip was a great way to spend some quality time together and an opportunity to reconnect with some of our family that stay in Canada.

Canadian Highlights and Lessons Learned:
1. Canada has a queen. What? Where was I? I know, you must be laughing. I had no idea Canada had any type of monarchy system. Here’s a confession: I know very little about history. This post alone will destroy any chance of me holding a political office.
2. The war of 1812 took place primarily in Canada. My thoughts, “I should know about the war of 1812. I’ve heard of that….hmm…. nope nothing comes to mind.” Apparently America went to war with the British occupying Canada in hopes of expanding our territory. Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong. All of my information was gathered by our tour guide and Wikipedia.
3. I learned that French and English are both the official language of Canada. A large number of people speak only French or only English. I discovered that hearing my 2 year old nephew say, “Merci” in response to me refilling his chocolate milk is about the most precious thing in the world.
4. In marriage the husband and wife often have different expectations. I already knew this but was reminded of it when I found out that Osi’s idea of a road trip picnic involved sitting outside a gas station eating in the car; whereas I envisioned a nice park or waterfall setting. So we compromised and found a small park next to a gas station.
5. No matter how old Osi gets, he will always be the baby brother to 8 siblings. Embrace it. All of my life I have prayed for a large family. Turns out God was listening.
6. Prior to this trip when I thought of Canada I thought of Moose, bacon, and snow. I did not encounter a moose or any special bacon or snow. Where is the bacon?
7. Five hours is the maximum time I can handle listening to Osi sing every song on my ipod.
8. And lastly, to our friends and family scattered all over the globe: we love and miss you all. When we come to visit we aren’t just there to see the town, we are happiest when seeing you!

Date 22: We got wheels

Osi and I made the decision to move downtown three years ago. In the process, I decided I would give up my car and start biking, walking, and carpooling. My commutes provided an opportunity to appreciate the city and travel streets I would have never taken in a car. I discovered parks, fountains, cafés & shops, and gorgeous houses. In addition, I also became familiar with the location of nearly all works of graffiti throughout Indianapolis (noting graffiti became a past time of mine. I’ve even thought of writing a letter to one of Indiana’s most notorious graffiti artists to encourage him to use his art for a more productive purpose and to let him know that I actually appreciate a few of his works).

During my bikes or walks I’ve had pleasant and unpleasant conversations with people from all walks of life; I’ve high-fived a couple of runners; I have given bikers a nod or a symbolic victory fist (you punch straight into the air and give a little head nod at the end); and of course I have been honked at, hollered at, and received plenty of unwelcomed offers. ATTENTION ALL GUYS: IT IS NOT COOL TO HONK OR HOLLER AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TRY TO PICK UP A COMPLETE STRANGER TRAVELING ALONE. IT ONLY SENDS THE CREEPY VIBE. These techniques must be working for someone though because there is no shortage of men utilizing these tactics.

My commutes often doubled as a workout, a time to pray, and a chance to call my mom or check on a friend (phone calls were only made while I was on foot). However, there were days when not having a car added serious complexity to life. Luckily, I have a husband who tried to accommodate my schedule and never complained. Right now we are in a season of life where things are changing quickly (no, we aren’t pregnant yet, nor are we trying). The time had come for us to buy another car. We headed to the car lot on date night; specifically, Falcone Volkswagon.

We arrived in our Dodge Magnum and we both drove off in Volkswagon Jettas. This is not an advertisement for Falcone, but they truly are honest guys and didn’t seem to possess any cheese-ball attitudes that one might expect from salesmen. I have to give Falcone Volkswagon the official date night recommendation. Osi demanded that he get a picture with our old Magnum before we left the lot. Apparently, it is important for him to have a picture with all of his cars. I took the picture and he had some sort of parting conversation with the car.

We spent the evening cruising around running errands together and had dinner at Goose The Market-one of the coolest places to get a sandwich and gellato. It was a blissful night and we thoroughly enjoyed one another (thank you pheromones).

In all reality, I thank God for moments like this and even more importantly, I thank God for the moments, days, and years, that lead up to moments like this.

Osi rated this date a 9.